HEARING PROBLEM

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid .

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.


Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.


"That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den.



He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens ." then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.



So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"



Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"


Again he gets no response so; He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her.


"Honey, what's for dinner?"


"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN !"

The Case Was Dismissed

A young woman several months pregnant boarded a bus.

She noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing .... ........ ....She had him arrested.


When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She first sat under an advertisement,

Which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins' .

I was even more amused when she changed her seat and went to sit under a shaving advertisement,

Which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick '.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement,

Which read: ' Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

And The case was dismissed... .....!!!

**********

Laugh out Loud

Bhagwan ke naam pe 1 patni dede...
Apni nahi toh dusre ki dede...

Bhagwan tujhe 1 kay badle3 dega
Anurag ki tarah Prerna kay saath Aparna aur komolika free dega...



**********



Baithe tere khayalon mein,
Kore kagaz pe likh dala tera naam...

Tasvir bhi utaar dali,Aur likha yeh paigam...
Zinda ya Murda pakdnewale ko 5000/- inaam...



**********



Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni... dil be sukoon tha.

Pakada to **** diya yeh soch kar ki....
Sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha...



**********



Khuda kare tujhe har jagah se satkar mile,
Mujh se bhi acche yaar milen.

Rakhi ko teri girlfriend tujhe rakhi bandhe,
Aur tujhe zindagi bhar us se behan ka pyar mile...



**********



Aapke hi charche har gali mein hain,
Har ladki ke dil mein aapke liye pyar hai.

Ye koi chamtkar nahi,Time hi aisa hai...
kyonki kuch hi dino me RAKHI ka tyohaar hai...



**********



har khushi ko teri taraf moor doo.
Tery liye chand taare tak toor doo.

khushiyo k darwazey tere liye khol doo..
Itna kaafi hai ya do char or jhoot bole doon....



**********



Jab jab ghire badal teri yaad ayi,
Jhom ke barsa sawan teri yaad ayi,

Bhiga main phir bhee teri yaad ayi,
Ab nahin raha jata, CHATRI LAUTA DE BHAI...



**********



Ek ladki thi dewani si.
Mob lekar chalti thi, nazre jhukake,

Mob mein kuch karti thi. Jab bhi milti thi mujhse,
Yehi pucha karti thi... Ye chalu kaise hota hai?



**********



Yusuf ka husn, Zulekha ka ghumaar dekha hai,
Kuch is tarah se Haseenon ka pyaar dekha hai,

Unhe khilane pilaane main hui hai yeh haalat,
Kasm khuda ki..Cinema bhi udhaar dekha hai...



**********



Industrian sari mere yaar khaa gaye,
Meri Sari jaydaaad rishtedar khaa gaye,

Marne Ke baad bhi unho ne ki meri saath cheating,
Banaye mazar to minaar kha gaye.......


[:D]

A Gorilla Story !!!

One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym
guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the
first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead
him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and
ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and
out

steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying

"If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up
speed.

Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down
the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's
about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes
the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure
enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.

"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door
when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign.

A Dinner Conversation Gone Wrong !!!

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"



HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"



WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"



HUSBAND: "Of course I do."



WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"



HUSBAND: "Well, okay, I'd guess I'd get married again."



WIFE: "You would?" (With a hurtful look on her face)



HUSBAND: (makes load groan)



WIFE: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"



HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"



WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"



HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."



WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"



HUSBAND: "I guess so."



WIFE: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"



HUSBAND: "No, she's left handed."



WIFE: ---silence-



HUSBAND, "Sh!t."




End Of the Story...


HA HA HA HA

Silly Questions and Smart Answers

1) MARY : Some say I'm pretty. Others say
I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're
pretty ugly.

2) Teacher : "Which is more important
to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at
night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time
when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a
person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your
coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you
have?"

5) My father is so old that when he
was in school, history was called
current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street
hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news
to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram:
Result declared, past year's
performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw
a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me
frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom
is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of
my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical
records show that nine out of ten
people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.
The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an
example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and
Father got married on the same day and
at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not
only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't
punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still
had the axe in is hand."

Good Ones to Laugh

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY



3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein