HEARING PROBLEM

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid .

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.


Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.


"That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den.



He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens ." then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.



So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"



Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"


Again he gets no response so; He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her.


"Honey, what's for dinner?"


"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN !"

The Case Was Dismissed

A young woman several months pregnant boarded a bus.

She noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing .... ........ ....She had him arrested.


When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She first sat under an advertisement,

Which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins' .

I was even more amused when she changed her seat and went to sit under a shaving advertisement,

Which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick '.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement,

Which read: ' Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

And The case was dismissed... .....!!!

**********

Laugh out Loud

Bhagwan ke naam pe 1 patni dede...
Apni nahi toh dusre ki dede...

Bhagwan tujhe 1 kay badle3 dega
Anurag ki tarah Prerna kay saath Aparna aur komolika free dega...



**********



Baithe tere khayalon mein,
Kore kagaz pe likh dala tera naam...

Tasvir bhi utaar dali,Aur likha yeh paigam...
Zinda ya Murda pakdnewale ko 5000/- inaam...



**********



Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni... dil be sukoon tha.

Pakada to **** diya yeh soch kar ki....
Sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha...



**********



Khuda kare tujhe har jagah se satkar mile,
Mujh se bhi acche yaar milen.

Rakhi ko teri girlfriend tujhe rakhi bandhe,
Aur tujhe zindagi bhar us se behan ka pyar mile...



**********



Aapke hi charche har gali mein hain,
Har ladki ke dil mein aapke liye pyar hai.

Ye koi chamtkar nahi,Time hi aisa hai...
kyonki kuch hi dino me RAKHI ka tyohaar hai...



**********



har khushi ko teri taraf moor doo.
Tery liye chand taare tak toor doo.

khushiyo k darwazey tere liye khol doo..
Itna kaafi hai ya do char or jhoot bole doon....



**********



Jab jab ghire badal teri yaad ayi,
Jhom ke barsa sawan teri yaad ayi,

Bhiga main phir bhee teri yaad ayi,
Ab nahin raha jata, CHATRI LAUTA DE BHAI...



**********



Ek ladki thi dewani si.
Mob lekar chalti thi, nazre jhukake,

Mob mein kuch karti thi. Jab bhi milti thi mujhse,
Yehi pucha karti thi... Ye chalu kaise hota hai?



**********



Yusuf ka husn, Zulekha ka ghumaar dekha hai,
Kuch is tarah se Haseenon ka pyaar dekha hai,

Unhe khilane pilaane main hui hai yeh haalat,
Kasm khuda ki..Cinema bhi udhaar dekha hai...



**********



Industrian sari mere yaar khaa gaye,
Meri Sari jaydaaad rishtedar khaa gaye,

Marne Ke baad bhi unho ne ki meri saath cheating,
Banaye mazar to minaar kha gaye.......


[:D]

A Gorilla Story !!!

One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym
guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the
first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead
him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and
ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and
out

steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying

"If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up
speed.

Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down
the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's
about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes
the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure
enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.

"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door
when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign.

A Dinner Conversation Gone Wrong !!!

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"



HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"



WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"



HUSBAND: "Of course I do."



WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"



HUSBAND: "Well, okay, I'd guess I'd get married again."



WIFE: "You would?" (With a hurtful look on her face)



HUSBAND: (makes load groan)



WIFE: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"



HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"



WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"



HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."



WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"



HUSBAND: "I guess so."



WIFE: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"



HUSBAND: "No, she's left handed."



WIFE: ---silence-



HUSBAND, "Sh!t."




End Of the Story...


HA HA HA HA

Silly Questions and Smart Answers

1) MARY : Some say I'm pretty. Others say
I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're
pretty ugly.

2) Teacher : "Which is more important
to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at
night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time
when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a
person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your
coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you
have?"

5) My father is so old that when he
was in school, history was called
current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street
hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news
to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram:
Result declared, past year's
performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw
a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me
frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom
is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of
my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical
records show that nine out of ten
people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.
The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an
example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and
Father got married on the same day and
at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not
only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't
punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still
had the axe in is hand."

Good Ones to Laugh

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY



3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

One Liner Jokes

Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."

******

"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"

******

My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

******

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

******

"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
" Please wait someone else is using it."

******

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

******

"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."

******

I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .

******

But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

******

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

******

"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

******

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."

******

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

******

"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

******

I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.

******

"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
" You're lucky. My wife does."

******

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

******

"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "

******

"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

******

"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

Enuff of Sardar's joke here goes Mallu's

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in
Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught
fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto

11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football
teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

Sardar Jokes

They have no relation to anyone living or dead.

Two sardarjis were sitting together and the first sardar says something into the second one's ears, hearing that the second sardar suddenly dies......
What did the first sardar tell the second sardar hearing which he dies?
The first sardar whispered, "DHISHKAAAON" into the second sardar's ear.


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Three scientists happen to meet each other by chance at a party, an American, a Russian, and our desi Sardarji.
They boast their country's science achievements.
The Russian says: We were the 1st ones in space, the American says, we were the 1st to go to moon, The Sardarji thinks hard and says dont you worry very soon we will be first ones on the sun!
Both the American and Russian start laughing, and say to the Sardarji, you stupid the sun is too hot, your spaceship will burn before it reaches the sun.
Our Sardarji scientist remains cool and calm, and says: You are stupid. We will go there at night

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A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate DharamRaj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
DharamRaj lets him in without another word.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



There was this news that 200 sardars are killed in a train accident at the station. Only one Sardar left alive.
The correspondent goes to the Sardarji and the conversation between them goes as follows: Correspondent: How did this happen?
Sardarji: Well, all the 200 people were waiting for the train. They were standing on the platform. Then there was this announcement that the train is arriving on platform number 2. They got scared to know that the train is arriving on the platform and hence they jumped onto the tracks to save themselves, The announcement was misleading the train arrived on the track and you can see the result.
Correspondent: Well, I guess, you must be the intelligent Sardarji. Why did you not jump onto the tracks?
Sardarji: I was actually trying to commit suicide. I was waiting for the train on the tracks. When I heard that the train is arriving on the platform, I climbed up.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.A lady came and asked
him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh"
Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No
Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was
totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw
another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you
Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am
relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, Sab
tere Ko wahahn dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai. "
(Translation ... Idiot everyone is looking for you and you are
relaxing here!!!!!)
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One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor
building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa
Singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in
panic.Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While
coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't
have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he
remembered he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he
remembered he was not Santa Singh.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------




A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I
borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I've ever read.
There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many
characters!" The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who
took our phone book.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up
and says " Hello, how did you know I was here?"


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Santa: I have swallowed a Kay.

Doctor: When?

Santa: 3 months back!

Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.



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Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?

Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..


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Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.


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Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.


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Dont Miss to Read on

To all OWLS
(Older Wiser Laughing Souls)



Wisdom from Grandpa .......


Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.





Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar.




Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.





When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.




If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.




On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.




A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin' and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna "work"."




Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.




Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.




Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.



How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?




You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up or leaks.


Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.





Have a GREAT day.......and keep Laughing!

It's good for the soul.